Artwork

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I love in pieces,
Shards of what once was.
Such a tragedy,
You and me.
That we, broken pieces of the whole,
Try to love with fragments,
Ignoring the very creater,
The potter Himself.
If only,
We took our broken hearts,
Our chipped edges,
Our shattered clay,
Gave them to Him,
And learned His way.
Reformed to become,
Such a beautiful tragedy.
Broken, not in vain,
But to shine love through the cracks,
Of the artwork He redeemed us to be.

Upon Observing a Summer Afternoon

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The June day is so hot. My t-shirt clings to my back with the sweat of my driver’s seat. Somehow, my 1993 Honda Accord’s black interior can never cool off quickly enough for me. My breaths are so heavy, weighed down by the humidity filling my lungs. The thick air, promising a late afternoon summer thunderstorm, blankets me as I wait on the front porch.

The door swings open, and I am flooded with the cool air conditioner. Deep breaths of the refreshing air fill my lungs. I come inside, and find my place in the light, airy living room. The cool fabric of the plush sofa soothes my warm skin. Softly whirring above, the ceiling fans whispers the lazy tune of summertime. As I settle comfortably into the room, a cold, icy glass of tea is placed in my hand. A chill races over my radiating skin. The freezing glass fogs in my hot hand, cooling my palm instantly. My damp hair pressed to my forehead begins to blow lightly under the light breeze of the fan. Placing the glass to my lips, I sip. Refreshing and flavorful, the tea washes down my dry throat. I lick my lips. Sticky beads of herbal flavor dance on my tongue.

The quiet, barely audible whisper of the old book’s spine stretching touches my ears. The book is opened. The voice, matched to the soft whir of the ceiling fan, fills my mind. Cool breeze, icy glass, soft words. The words of a Southern author, as he describes the changes in life, the moments that make us who we are, bring me a heightened sense of the present. The cut glass of the tumbler in my hand suddenly seeps smoother. The taste of the iced tea on my tongue is sharper. The breeze is cooler. My heart is warmer.

The ladies in the room, people I care for and have grown to love, sit back, enjoying the moment much like me. Our bodies absorb the air of the ceiling fan. Our minds absorb the words of Thomas Wolfe. And I am keenly aware.

Keenly aware of my senses, as I feel, taste, and hear the summer day. Keenly aware of my culture, in a sitting room where I sip iced tea, and listen to the words of a great Southern author. Keenly aware of the present, a moment with friends I have grown up with, friends I will soon say goodbye to.

I am keenly aware of life.

Life made of heavy, summer air, and cool inside breezes. Life made of hot skin and cool glasses of tea. Life made of literature, words, thoughts, and stories. Life made of friends. Life made of moments. Moments like this, isolated and vivid, archetypes of a way of life. Cliche yet original, commonplace yet poignant, lives like this are lived out every day.

Yet, I treasure this day. I treasure this moment. Stopping to catch my breath, I consider the simplest details. I make notes in my head, so that one day, I might look back and remember the beauty in the every day.

For the June day is so hot.


A Thought to Think – The Fault in Our Stars

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As a writer, I’m constantly looking for new books. Sometimes I discover rare, unknown gems that I fall in love with all on my own. And sometimes I find beauties in the books currently circulating popular culture. I am not partial to how I find my books. I am not trying to be above pop culture, and I’m not trying to fit into pop culture.

With that being said, it would be pretty hard to ignore the book all of the media is buzzing about currently. Five words: The Fault in Our Stars. First it was Harry Potter, then Twilight, then The Hunger Games. Divergent had a run, and now all the teens seem to be flocking to the John Greene novel with a movie recently debuted by the same name. (I would like to put out the disclaimer, I read the book two years ago when it first came out.) The book rose to popularity, and inevitably was turned into a movie that was released this weekend.

Whenever a book comes into such popularity, it always brings with it controversy. The Fault in Our Stars (TFiOS) is no exception. As a young adult (*cough cough* teenager), I believe I have a unique perspective on the book. And as an older sister of a younger teen, I have been asked many times if I think the book is appropriate for younger readers. My friend and I also read several very negative reviews on the book, and I decided maybe I should give the book a quick review. I’d be honored for you to read my opinions on the book, but the disclaimer goes, I am not an expert.

*The below are simply my own personal beliefs and convictions on the book, and it is perfectly fine if you do not agree. I attempt to look at this book from an intellectual standpoint, while coupling it with my own beliefs. This is simply a statement of my own personal views on the novel, and they are meant in no way to infringe on your own views. We can discuss, and we can agree to disagree!*

**SPOILER ALERT: I will reveal the major plotlines of the book. If you have not yet read the book, and would prefer not to know the ending, this might be a good time to stop reading!**

Let me begin by saying, I adored this book. Strictly from a writer’s standpoint, I found the book beautifully written and incredibly thought provoking. The characters were power-packed. The storyline was enticing. Everything about this book made me feel like I knew the characters, felt for the characters, loved the characters, and grieved with the characters. It filled me with emotion, and that is one of my favorite things.

For those who may not know much about the book, the story centers around one Hazel Grace Lancaster, a sixteen year old cancer patient. She meets Augustus Waters, a fellow cancer patient in a support group, and the two quickly fall in love. Hazel and Augustus bond over a book by a Peter Van Houten, An Imperial Affliction. The book is written from the perspective of a cancer patient, who dies at the end of the book. Because the main character dies, the author chose to end the book in mid sentence. Hazel is particularly infatuated with the book, because Van Houten doesn’t romanticize death, but instead he takes a very realistic approach.

Even still, Hazel is plagued by the questions that are left of unanswered at the end of the book. Augustus, motivated by his love for Hazel, decides to use his “wish” to go to Amsterdam and meet the reclusive author of An Imperial Affliction. Despite Hazel’s failing health, the couple journey with Hazel’s mother to visit Van Houten in Amsterdam. However, once they meet Van Houten, they find him to be a sloppy, cynical alcoholic who refuses to answer their questions. Instead he insults Hazel and Augustus, calling them a failed mutation in humanity.

By the end of the trip, Augustus reveals to Hazel that he recently went in for a PET scan, and finds out that his cancer (which was previously thought to be in remission) has taken over his entire body. He is dying. The pair return to their home, and the rest of Augustus’ days are lived out with Hazel. At the end of the book, he dies, and Van Houten appears at his funeral to give Hazel the eulogy that Augustus had formerly promised Hazel he would write for her. The book and movie end with Hazel understanding that Augustus loved her, and that their lives were not lived in vain.

The story sounds bleak. It is. It sounds melancholy. It is. The book isn’t exactly a feel good story. So let me begin by touching on that issue.

1.) This book is not an optimistic novel.

Hazel has a very bleak outlook on life. She says she doesn’t believe in an afterlife, and she doesn’t see the point of trying to live until Gus comes along. She even goes through a period of the book feeling like a “grenade.” She is terrified of causing more pain to her parents and Gus through letting them love her, because she knows she will soon die. So instead, she decides to push them away.

The double edged sword of sad books in my opinion, is this dichotomy between appreciating the sad without dwelling on the morose. I love sad stories. (Sorry not sorry.) For some reason, I love feeling deeply, whether that’s happy or sad. And this book was full of deep feelings. Choosing to dwell on the sadness in the book however, would be unwise. Our lives are not made be lived under the shadow of death and sadness. Jesus redeemed us from that! (Psalm 103:1-5).

Still, the book is not without redemptive values. Augustus loves Hazel with a selfless love. He finds her beautiful, but he makes it clear he loves her for her heart and mind. He is bold in his love, and caring towards all around him. Hazel and her parents form a deep relationship, full of healing and mutual growth. Both characters realize that what matters in life is what you choose to invest in another person. Whether you invest in them for a small amount of time or a large one, you have the opportunity to give someone else an infinity of yourself within your set amount of days.

The book celebrates loyalty, love, and friendship. It doesn’t glamorize or sheen over the difficult parts of life. Instead, it begs us to examine the difficulties, and to live and love in spite of them.

If a mature reader can see the book for what it is, a depiction of the good and the bad in life, and choose not become infatuated with the sadness, I believe that many beautiful lessons can come from the book.

2.) A Higher Teen Standard

I read a review that criticised the “intelligence” of the teens in this book. If the criticism you can find in a book is that the teenage characters are critical thinkers, then I think it’s the least of your worries. All teenagers have the ability to think deeply about the world around them. As my dear friend, Holly Harris so accurately put, “Every teen has the capacity to choose to be who they are and offer themselves to the world, not in spite of their young age, but because of it.”

I related to the character of Hazel, because she spoke with such maturity and depth. (Fitting for someone who has gone through as much as she has.) It was refreshing to read a book that portrayed teenagers as true thinkers, and this is a standard all teens should appeal to.

3.) The Book is not without Faults (no pun intended)

Alright, I’ll just be blatantly honest. The book has some major ethical flaws. A smattering of profanity left a less than pleasant taste in my mouth. (Profanity is never necessary in my opinion.) And yes, Hazel and Gus do sleep together in the book. Perhaps what makes this action even more upsetting is that, as the audience members, we are reminded these characters are dying! Don’t they deserve to bend the rules a little bit? They’re in love after all! Nope, sorry. That’s not how it works. Wrong is wrong, no matter your circumstances. The danger in this scene (although very brief and vague) is that we begin to justify the actions of the characters based on their circumstances.

I have found most people find the major flaws in the book within the parameters of what I have just mentioned. And it’s never good to fill our minds with things we know are wrong. Although I do not condone these things, I think the most important thing to remember when reading this book, is…

4.) The Worldview

Whenever I read a book, I try very hard to examine the worldview of the book. (Worldview: a particular philosophy of life or conception of the world). The worldview of this book is very bleak. When I first read the book in fact, I was not much of a fan because of this fact.

Throughout the novel, there is a theme. The theme is that Hazel believes the world and all its inhabitants will soon return to nothing, tossed into oblivion. Gus, on the other hand, says he fears oblivion. He longs to make an impact on the world, to be remembered. The characters have many deep, thought provoking discussions throughout the book, grappling with their own mortality. At the end of the book, Gus states in his eulogy for Hazel that we all get hurt in this world, and we don’t have a choice in the matter. We only get to choose who hurts us. He says that he likes his choices, and he hopes Hazel does too. She replies with simply, “I do, Augustus. I do.”

This book ends without much more hope than with which it began. The hope we do see, is in the love that Hazel and Gus shared, along with the love that she strengthens with her parents throughout the novel. These positive elements however still leave us feeling slightly empty. After all… What happens to Gus after he dies? Are our lives truly a shout in the void? Did the love Gus and Hazel shared mean anything at all?

I felt that although the book seemed set up to answer these questions, it left them as unanswered as Hazel’s questions to the ending of An Imperial Affliction. And as a Christian, I believe that an unsure ending is only appropriate for a book that was not written from a Christian worldview.

One of my favorite books (plays) of all time is The Glass Menagerie. It’s a classic, and it’s completely UN-Christian. Yet when I read it, I can’t help notice how the characters are filled with longing. And I realize, the author, without meaning to, wrote into his book a longing deeply ingrained in the human soul.

TFiOS is no different. Hazel and Gus long for more, because so often humans do feel like a shout in the void. Yet, I know a God who makes that shout worthwhile. We are created with an emptiness inside of us, designed to be filled by Christ.

There are other beautiful elements of the story, such as Hazel telling Gus that he impacted her and that is enough. Jesus calls us to love. And He created us to love and be loved by another human so closely one day. That was one of my favorite parts of the story. That Gus didn’t explode the world, instead he touched the lives of those around him. And isn’t that what we are all called to do?

I say all of this about the worldview to say this – most people know the things in this novel that are wrong when they read them. Disrespect to authority and God. Profanity. Sex outside of marriage. These elements, although troubling, are blatant. The main reason I would recommend reading this book with caution would be because of the worldview.

Personally, I was able to read the book, spot the elements of falsity, and still enjoy the beautiful writing and story. In fact, the parts of the book I disagreed with sparked the most poignant discussions for me. When you are able to find and dissect a worldview in a book, you are automatically in charge of how the book affects you. Without a clear and critical thought approach to this book, this book could easily skew your thinking. (Hint: That’s true of all literature!)

(Sidebar to parents: If your son or daughter is asking to read this book, I recommend you read it first and decide what’s best for them. You know best what your child can handle, and what you want them to put in their minds. If they do read the book, I encourage you to use it as tool to have a discussion with them on their beliefs on life and death. This can actually spark amazing discovery and conversation!)

Personally, I thoroughly enjoyed The Fault in Our Stars. This book made me feel more than almost any other book ever has. I enjoyed looking at the book as a piece of art, full of beautifully written passages and thought provoking lines. I enjoyed examining the book from a Christian perspective, finding the elements that were wrong or skewed, and understanding why they were written that way. I believe that any book can be used as a tool for understanding the world and humanity a little better, and we’d be remiss to ignore the amazing opportunity books open up to us in that way.

To sum it up, one of the most poignant lines in the book to me, is a line from the play Julius Ceasar that Peter Van Houten quotes to Augustus and Hazel. The line says, “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.” Van Houten says Shakespeare was “wrong,” as sometimes fate causes things to happen that are faults.

Interestingly enough, I disagree with TFiOS, and I agree with the original quote. The fault is in us. We do not cause bad things to happen to us, and we do not choose for bad things to happen, but the major fault in the world is the sin each of us carry within our hearts. The faults that happen to us are not left up to fate, chance, or even the stars.

No, I am thankful that the One controlling the universe and all that’s in it, is more sovereign than any constellation. I’m thankful there is a world after death. And I’m thankful for a Savior who chooses to redeem us and our faults.

I am thankful that our lives are not based on faults in our stars, but instead the grace of a loving God.

Leave me a comment, and tell me your opinions on this book! I hope this review was somewhat helpful or thought provoking to you! Thanks for taking the time to read.


Love is Enough

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I want more than anything else,

To know this isn’t passing attraction.

To know this is more than I’ve ever experienced in my life.

To know that this is more than my life.

To know this is my life.

And I want more than anything else,

To have this forever.

Not feelings,

Not fallings,

Not temporary,

Not time-subjective.

To have this in my heart,

Like a piece of me,

All of me.

Stitched into me like so much thread,

Binding my soul up in grace.

And I want more than anything else,

To finally breathe this peace,

Sing this grace,

Bask in this contentment,

Cling to this hope.

I want to finally understand,

That His love is,

always has been,

and always will be,

Enough.

He is enough.