Shifting Shadows and Thankfulness

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“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17, NIV)

You know that feeling when you’ve had a cold and one day you wake up, and you feel better? And that day is so beautiful and glorious because you can finally breathe through your nose and stand up without getting dizzy, and life just seems even greater than before you got sick? That’s sort of the feeling I have right now. No, I haven’t been sick (thank goodness). But I’ve been in a pretty terrible mood for the past week. (Ask my ever so patient roommate…)

So often, I find myself turning to write when things aren’t going my way. So often I take my bad attitude and write to feel better. This time isn’t one of those times. I’m writing because I’m in a good mood. I feel the need to document while I’m in a good mood, so that once it fades (as moods are so wont to do), I will be able to apply the truth no matter what changing feeling comes my way.

My roommate and I say “choose joy” almost daily. Most of the time it’s her saying it very politely to me, reminding me to chin up, and stop being in a bad mood (bless her for living with me). I can argue and say I’m a melancholic person, a pessimist, a perfectionist, an introvert, a deeply feeling soul, but let’s be honest. Most of the time bad moods come from my own little heart getting hung up on my own little world not going my way. For the past week, I’ve been throwing myself quite the pity party. The honeymoon phase of college is over. Oh yeah, I actually have work to do now. Oh yeah, new friendships require work. Oh yeah, I really miss my home. Oh yeah, not everything is going perfectly. And when things don’t go my way, God often tells me to be still and wait, to remember that He has a better story in the works, than any story I could every try to clumsily write on my own. But because of this call to be patient, I’ve been a bit… mopey. Like a little kid in the grocery store, I’ve been stomping my foot and saying, “No, God! I want the treat NOW!” And when I don’t get what I think I deserve, I plop down on the floor and feel sorry for myself.

I went home on fall break this weekend, and didn’t want to return to school. School is where the responsibilities and the obligations and the life-shaping lessons are. School is just downright hard. But alas, every form of retreat-ism comes to an end, and here I am, back at school. And I had every thought that this would be another week of moping, feeling lonely, and playing a tiny violin while singing “woe is me.”

And then something happened.

Several things actually… The first being a very dear friend (*cough cough* Holly Harris) was kind enough to tell me what I needed to hear. “Get over yourself.” Of course she said it in much nicer terms, but she said very clearly what I needed to hear. Yes… Yes, life is hard. And you can sit around moping about the things you wish you had, or you can make the revolutionary decision to focus on what you do have.

I realize that so often my “bad mood” comes from an introspective, self-centered, way of thinking. Not that there’s anything wrong with self reflection… But it becomes a problem when you are so far into your own head, contemplating only your own thoughts, your own worries, your own hardships, and your own wishes, that you neglect to step outside of yourself and look for others in your life. Look inwardly, find the problem, and take it to Jesus. But please, learn from me and don’t dwell on your problem. Dwelling on problems only creates more problems.

The second thing that happened was that I took her advice and actually did it. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and went and spent time with others. I picked my bottom lip up off the ground, and decided to enjoy life. So often I say the phrase, “choose joy” without thinking much to its meaning. Choosing joy is so much more than just plastering a fake smile on our faces and ignoring our problems. Choosing joy isn’t ignoring our problems. It’s focusing on our present. Choosing joy isn’t looking at the past we want to change or the future we want to control. Choosing joy is looking at the gifts we have in the here and now, and allowing ourselves to be thankful. Don’t we often sort of want to be in a bad mood? Don’t we let negative thoughts grab hold of us? Don’t we squelch our own happiness sometimes? My father said it to me a thousand times while growing up, and now I think I’m finally catching onto it. Happiness is a choice. And what we choose to dwell on is a choice. When I finally decided to allow myself to be happy about all the little things in life, I found I had so much to be thankful for.

So call this an early Thanksgiving, but I am constantly stumbling across something to be thankful for. Friends who tell it to you straight. Roommates who drive twenty minutes to get some yummy breakfast. Groups of new friends singing together at the top of their lungs. Warm sweaters. A surprisingly good caf meal. Artwork. A new Bible study. A good book. Fall leaves. Letters from home. Laughter.

In James, we are told that every good and perfect gift comes down from the Heavenly Father. In our Bible study last night, someone pointed out that this means the inverse to be true. No good thing can come into our life apart from God. The things I listed may seem small and trivial, but when I look at every beautiful gift I’ve been given as a blessing directly from God, I can’t help but feel my heart swell with joy.

So find your little joys. Stop considering what you wish was happening, and start being thankful for all that is happening. I know… It’s so much more easily said than done. What do you do when there doesn’t seem to be any joy, anywhere?

In a week, I might be back in a sour frame of mind, and I’ll have to scroll back through this post and reread my own words. It’s easy to write about thankfulness and joy when you’re feeling it. The true test comes when those shadows shift, and the feelings are gone. What do I do when the little joys seem to be MIA?

I turn to God’s Word to remember that I have the greatest joy of all. A God who promises He isn’t like shifting shadows and fall leaves and the weather and our moods. He is constant. He is joy abundant. He is life. He is good all the time. And that is something for which to be truly thankful.


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